


Gathering Strength

by Happytrottingelf



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s06e26 Unimatrix Zero, F/M, Friendship, Missing Scene, Romance, What happened before the hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 14:43:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16307150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Happytrottingelf/pseuds/Happytrottingelf
Summary: A missing scene from Unimatrix Zero.Kathryn and Chakotay talk before she leaves the ship.Because I like to think something prompted the hand holding and those long meaningful looks on the bridge!





	Gathering Strength

**Author's Note:**

> I'm fairly new to the voyager fandom, having not seen it since i was a teenager, but I've rewatched it all recently (God bless Netflix!) and am now hooked/obsessed with the J/C relationship and the injustice of it all! I've spend a few months lurking and voraciously reading as much fanfic as I can. I'm slightly in awe of the quality of the writing from everyone so am a little bit terrified about posting my first Voyager fic here, but I have so many stories swirling around in my head I had to at least let one of them see the light of day.

"To think I might not see those eyes  
It makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long goodbyes  
I nearly do"

Run by Snow Patrol

_______________________________________________________________

Kathryn looked up from the replicator and sighed at her door chime. She didn’t feel like she had the brain capacity to deal with any issues right now. She’d retreated to her quarters for a few hours, allowing herself time to think and steel herself for the upcoming trials. Their plan to board a Borg cube was imminent and she couldn't afford to lose focus now.

“Come,” she sighed.

The door opened to reveal her First Officer and she relaxed slightly. He might very well be coming to present all manner of problems to her, but his very presence would help calm her nerves.

“Chakotay, come in. Tea?” She gestured to the replicator.

He nodded and she noted the slump of his shoulders, the worry lines on his face and the fervent way he watched her. She requested a tea and a coffee and handed him his.

“Thanks.” His voice was gruff.

“What’s wrong Chakotay?” This wasn’t about the ship, she could tell.

“I’m not sure you’ll want to hear it Kathryn,” he replied, making his way over to the sofa and sitting down. He put his tea on the table and rested his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair.

She joined him on the sofa tucking one leg under her and angling her body towards him. “Don’t back out on me now Chakotay. I thought we agreed this was the right thing to do? And, I’m taking Tuvok and B'Elanna like you asked.” 

He looked at her and her heart skipped a beat when she registered the intensity in his eyes, which rendered his face even more handsome than usual. After 6 years of living and working together it was easy to take him for granted, to ignore his good looks. But, every so often that illicit frisson of excitement and want would hit her full in the chest. She pushed those thoughts from her mind, she'd become adept at ignoring them over the years, she had to be. Taking a calming breath she waited for him to speak.

He sighed. “Oh hell Kathryn, I'm not here to back out, or to try and change your mind.” He ran his hand through his hair and frowned. She itched to reach forward and smooth the worry lines on his forehead, but she suppressed the urge to touch him, it was something she’d had a lot of practise at and was successful, about half the time anyway. 

He gave her that intense look again. “I know I'm not suppose to say what I'm about to. You'll probably be angry with me, but with you and Tuvok going it would leave Tom in charge if you toss me into the brig. I don’t think any of us want that, so I’m going to risk it.” He gave her a rueful smile.  
She flashed him a grin. “Tom in charge and Harry as first officer, Voyager would become the living embodiment of Captain Proton.” She pulled a horrified face and gave a mock shudder. “So I promise not to do anything rash.” She smiled again, then became serious. “Chakotay, what on earth is it?”

He stared at the floor. “I could dress this up in ancient legends, but I’m getting too old and tired for that.”

Kathryn gazed at him. Images of half confessions, a verdant green planet, a simpler and happier time, flashed through her mind.

He sensed her gaze and looked up to meet her eyes. “I don’t know what’s different this time. You and I, I mean we’ve been in some tight spots before, some dangerous situations. We’ve both been injured. But nothing like this, perhaps it’s the anticipation.” He let out a long shuddering breath and took one of her hands in his, staring at her smaller, paler hand against his own. He looked up again at her and simply said, “I love you Kathryn.”

Kathryn felt her breath catch in her throat. A jumble of thoughts raced through her head. Did he mean it? Still? Even after everything they’d been through? Did she still love him? Her mind clutched onto that final thread and the world stilled. Of course she loved him. She watched his hands caress hers and opened her mouth to try to say something, anything.

“It’s ok Kathryn, I don’t expect you to say anything in return. I’m sure you don’t feel the same way anyway, and that’s fine.” His thumb gently caressed the back of her hand. “You’ve no idea how much I value you’re friendship, but I felt like I had to tell you.” There was a slight tremor in his voice as he continued. “I have no idea how I’m suppose to let you go to that cube and still remain in control and professional on the bridge.”

He looked at her, eyes flooded with emotion, and she felt the tears spill down her cheeks. “Chakotay,” she choked out before putting her arms round him and pulling him close. His arms held her tight and he tucked her head under his chin. She felt him let out a shaky breath.

Kathryn wasn’t sure how long they sat like that for, wrapped in each other’s arms. Crossing that final, unspoken boundary in their friendship. She tried to commit everything to memory, the feeling of her head against his chest, of his strong arms surrounding her, of one hand stroking her back and the other tangling in her hair. Of his breath on the top of her head, and every so often his lips grazing her hair. It was the moment she had dreamt of for years, being in each other’s arms. It was also the moment she had dreaded, saying goodbye to him, about to be parted by some new lunacy or danger in the Delta quadrant.

That brought thoughts of the mission tumbling back into her mind. She could not afford to lose it now. It took every ounce of will power she could muster to push herself away from him. He seemed to instantly realise her internal conflict and, ever her loyal First officer, released her. She gazed at him and her stomach flipped. She was suddenly overcome by just how much she loved him, by how much she needed him. How she had gone for 6 years denying this? 

“Chakotay, I l-” 

His finger quickly but gently pressed against her lips. “Don’t say it Kathryn, it’ll sound like a goodbye,” he pleaded.

She smiled softly at him and clasped his hand in both of hers, pulling it from her lips. “-you too,” she finished defiantly. 

He let out a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob.

“One day I want to be able to say that to you properly,” she willed him to understand. 

As always, he did. “Then you better return from that cube and get us home.”

She gave him a wry smile which he returned, dimples flashing. They sat side by side for a minute, her left hand still clasping his right.   
“We should get back to the bridge,” she said reluctantly.

He nodded and released her hand as she stood up, but she turned and proffered it to him again, pulling him up.

“Any tips from the master on how I hold it together out there?” He nodded towards the door, referring to the ship in general. 

“Like we always do when faced with the madness of this quadrant, with sheer will power and a sense of humour.”

He raised his eyebrows at her, “Crack a joke? That's your advice.”

“Best I can do,” she smiled wanly at him. A quiet calm descended as they both contemplated the revelations of the last few minutes.

“Kathryn,” his voice was serious, “I need to warn you, the minute we're in sight of earth I’m going to kiss you, maybe even right there on the bridge.”

She tried to ignore the tingling rush of excitement that swept through her body at the very thought, and willed herself not to blush under his impassioned gaze and let him know just how much he affected her. She gave him a cheeky grin, “Well Commander, that sounds like a fitting way to celebrate getting home,” and standing up she tried to gather herself, putting Kathryn away, ready to be the Captain again.

He looked down, hiding his own grin, she guessed she hadn't fooled him for a minute. 

They stood in silence again, the enormity of their situation crashing down once more. She noted with mild surprise that they were still holding hands. “Ready to go face the music?

He nodded sombrely, “I’m just trying to find that will power and sense of humour.”

She squeezed his hand. “Just your usual levity will suffice, too funny and everyone will be suspicious.”

He shot her a look, “Captain, you wound me.”

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

They made their way out of her quarters, simultaneously dropping hands, but the warmth from his hand lingered . As they walked along the corridor they remained close, fingers occasionally brushing. She gathered strength from it and hoped he did too.


End file.
